July 22, 2008 Paging Mr. I.P. Freely...

Maybe it's the Beavis and Butt-head in me, but I love inappropriate, funny names. Fake funny names are fun, but REAL funny names are the best. In Hillsborough County, all new teachers must go through a new teacher orientation, and the training manual that is used is co-written by...wait for it...Mr. Harry Wong! ROFLMMFAO (which translates to "Raise Our Flask! Look Ma...Mark Fetched An Ostrich!" for all of you who might be new to texting). Anyhoo, when my teacher friend, Anita Plummer, showed me this book, I was happier than a millipede in a DSW. As a Hillsborough County School System alumna, I now have a better understanding of why I had so many little wongs as teachers...

 

July 11, 2007 Bealls Outlet's Secret

At the Bealls Outlet located at the corner of Florida Ave. and Fletcher Ave., you can find some really great deals on clothing, shoes, candles, picture frames, and even lingerie...bras, panties, and, yes, the Naughty Nurse and French Maid outfits. Now given how snooty and J Byrons-esque the "real" Bealls stores usually are, I just can't imagine how these items ended up in the outlet store. Was it some tool's first (and last) day on the job in the Bealls' purchasing department, and he was asked to order scrubs for their uniform section? Has Bealls cut a deal with The Todd to distribute outlet items for them, too? Was this a Halloween costume order that went very bad? Who knows. But I tell ya, I was more shocked than a one-eyed farmer from Kansas using an Easy Bake Oven, when I saw them hanging there today...

June 25, 2008 Public Service Announcement

As much as I LOVE the Dollar Tree, there are three types of items that I just must take a moment to encourage you to steer clear of...

First --- The faux meat section (pictured below). Any ham meat treat that is spelled "Treet" is just not a good idea. And in general, the word "loaf" is just disgusting, wouldn't you agree? So a product called the "Luncheon Loaf" is about as disturbing as a kangaroo in a Alaskan Wal-mart. And to top it all off, they also carry "Potted Meat"... Sweet fancy Moses.

Second --- The feminine products section, which includes the pregnancy test, the disposable douche and the 7-day vaginal cream. Now ladies, this just isn't an area where we want to cut corners, is it? I'm just sayin'. 

Third --- Any electrical/battery operated device that is used on any part of your body (I'll wait while you retrieve your mind from the gutter....dum dee dum....good, you're back, let's continue...) This would include the nose hair trimmer. Just think, if something were to go terribly wrong, and that thing takes your entire nose off, then here's you in the ER, "Well, I was using my nose hair trimmer.... well, from the Dollar Tree....well, yes I do remember thinking that $1 was a good deal for a nose hair trimmer...". See my point.

So go ahead, drop by a Dollar Tree and splurge on those items that really are the best deals on the planet...gift bags, holiday decorations, dish towels, wine glasses, and even the occasional bag of Pixy Stix. Just say "No!" to the items mentioned above and you'll be just fine. 

June 23, 2008 "God" Lucky Schmucky

This week "God" was arrested in Tampa for selling Cocaine. Funny? I think not. The deal went down in front of a church, of all places. To put this in perspective for you, this would be like Bill Gates selling "oranges" in front of the Apple headquarters in Cupertino. Or Ronald McDonald calling himself "The King" and selling Happy Meals to the Subservient Chicken in front of the Burger King in McDonald, OH. "What could be more absurd than this?", you might ask. "God's" middle name is "Lucky". Well he's not looking so lucky in his mug shot. And I'm pretty sure "God's" mom was hittin' the ole crack pipe when choosing a baby name. And to think, I always thought that "God" might be arrested for some stunt involving a great deal of wine, but never this.

June 23, 2008 Nessie Goes to College

For many years, Nessie the Loch Ness Monster has dreamed of going to school at USF. She was admitted in May after she was finally able to bring up her SAT scores. Below is a photo of her in her new dorm room, also known as Campus Lake or Lake Behnke (I always assumed it was spelled Lake Binkie, since it is in the shape of a foot). The artist is Cameron Gainer and you may see Nessie for yourself by visiting the USF Botanical Gardens or by pulling over on the side of the road here. I am also pleased to report that someone at USF has a sense of humor. Who knew? 

June 15, 2008 Worth Repeating

This past Sunday, I found myself again passing through the same busy intersection in Orlando where the car below makes hundreds of u-turns every Sunday morning in an attempt (I assume) to spread the gospel. Mr." I Hot Glued Plastic Animals to My Camry for Jesus" Guy is still at it, even though gas prices have soared. I think I may use his technique to spread the word about the dying art of the Carnival Sideshow. This afternoon, I plan to hot glue millions of dwarfs, Chupacabras, bearded women, lobster pincers, and half people (replicas, of course, so that no sideshow performers are harmed) to my car, and drive back and forth through the intersection in front of the Showtown Restaurant and Lounge in Gibtown.

June 3, 2008 Holy Luncheon Loaf, Batman!

It's really no secret that I like to shop. And dollar stores are great places to get the best bang for your buck. I was actually thinking that I might want to open my own dollar store. But just when I was about to call up Batman to see if he would like to go into business with me, I passed this store on Florida Ave. Oh well, just like most really great ideas, it has already been done...

May 30, 2008 Jerry Meets Mary Jane

Jerry's Drive-Thru was a great little convenient store located in Forest Hills for many years, until Jerry and his wife retired. The store remained open for a short time under new ownership and then it closed for good a few months back. The marquee out front read "For Lease" on both sides... Until this week when some very creative folks played a game of Word Scramble with the letters...

May 28, 2008 Put a Cork in It

During a recent visit with my friend Eileen Dover (and husband Ben), we were discussing wine (I know, shocking) and how we both like to keep and preserve sentimental wine corks (by writing the date and who the bottle was shared with, etc.). About this time, Eileen says, "I actually keep all of my wine corks. They are all over." and points up to her planter shelf in the kitchen that has several baskets full of corks. "That's cool" I say, as baskets full of corks are a great way to decorate  a kitchen. It screams, "We have had a lot of wine here!", which is good news because that probably means there is some there now. And sure enough, about this time, Ben hands me a glass of wine. Sweet! She goes on to say that she thinks she might actually have OCD when it comes to keeping wine corks...to which I am about to say, "No you don't."...when she shows me this...                                                  

April 24, 2008 This Tree is Happy to See You!

Located near the beautiful Babe Zaharias Golf Course in fabulous Forest Hills, is a newly trimmed palm tree. And as my friend Harriet Potter so eloquently put it, "That's awesome...it's tree shwing shwang!" 

April 26, 2008 Who Does Number Two Work For?

On my way to Jackson's one evening with Ella Mentry and Lou Tenant, we spotted some graffiti on the side of a building. Vandalism? I think not. And as I am sure you are aware, graffiti is considered by many (including myself) to be an art form, often seen in urban settings and used to convey social and/or political ideas and beliefs. As much as I would like to take credit for the lovely work you see below, I can't. However, I am paralyzed by its simplicity. It's beauty. Its depth of meaning. I think I need a moment... The artist that created this breathtaking work is unfortunately unknown to us. If you would like to see this spectacular, synergistic use of paint and aerosol in person, you may do so at the intersection of Nebraska Ave and E Walton St. in downtown Tampa.

April 30, 2008 That's Soopa, Bietch!

As I was taking some "real" pictures for my Tampa Letters project, I visited the Ballast Point Park, one of my favorite Tampa water spots off of Bayshore Blvd. This is a great place to visit for a walk on the pier, an amazing view of the Tampa Skyline or to collect old sea glass. While there, I use the ladies room...or should I say the "Soopa Woman" room. When I saw the writing on the door, I had to question whether the person who wrote it was just retarded or if I am just getting too old to understand the cool phrases kids are using these days. Please feel free to enlighten me on what the below means if you know....or just make something up to entertain me, either way works.

May 11, 2008 "Fun for the Whole Family"

My friend Jim Nasium pointed out this very inviting, Tampa entertainment facility....The C & R Recreation Center, located just west of Ybor City at 811 East 7th Ave.  Since it does offer "Fun for the Whole Family", I think I may take my friends' kids there the next time we hang out. "But, is it safe?", you might ask. Sure! Why look at all the bars on the doors! "Will my family get bored hanging out there?", you may also ask. No Way! They have pool (table not swimming), dominos and pin ball for goodness sakes! "Will my eyes hurt if I go there immediately following an eye Dr. appointment?", you might inquire. Not at all! As there are no windows, so your dilated pupils can adjust to the light as you kick back and watch your family having fun!

May 19, 2008 A Chip off the Old Fry

I hit the Webster Flea Market yesterday with two of my fiends, Cornelius and Veronica...and, although there was a lot to photograph and many things to report, the photos would have been horribly offensive to most...and it is best that I leave the reporting up to Tampa's very own, Mr. Funny Pants...you can read his blog about our experience here. So....with that being said, I will report on an ironic product (and by ironic, I mean the Alanis Morissette type) that I discovered at my very favorite convenient "center", the Coast to Coast at the intersection of Bearss Ave and Florida Ave in Tampa (this is where you can buy decent wine, Nicola's Donuts, all five different flavors of Combos, and delicious BBQ while playing an arcade game). The item? The "Burger King Ketchup and Fries Flavored Potato Snack". Yes, because if eating french fries and ketchup at a fast food chain wasn't bad enough for you, then eating fake french fries and ketchup made from preservatives' preservatives should do the trick. And considering that Burger King's french fries are just plain sad in comparison to a McDonald's french fry...you will be happy to know that the fake Burger King french fry treat is actually much more tasty than their real counterpart. Irony? Maybe. But they also sell the "Flame-Broiled Burger Potato Snack", so you decide. As a side note, it is also worth mentioning that at the Flea Market I found the original Little Mermaid VHS with the you-know-what drawn into the castle.

Scoooooooooooooooooooore!

February 7, 2008 Poobah

As most of you know, I LOVE the fair. I love everything about it. The mullets (check out my very famous, mullet mini-doc/music video here), the deep fried oreos (trust me, I have tried every fried item possible, and this is the only one worth the potential heart attack), the Tilt-a-Whirl, the Shoot Out the Star game, the Hot Wisconsin Cheese, but most importantly the Sideshows. I mean, where else can you see a REAL (but badly decayed) Chupacabra? A highlight of the fair for me is a quick visit to see Pete "Poobah" Terhune, the 78 year old, "fire-eating pygmy". I've been visiting Poobah since I was a kid. He and his buddy Ward Hall are legends at the Florida State Fair and around the country, as they are some of the last remaining, original sideshow performers in America that are still going strong. Cheers, Poobah!

  

November 22, 2007 and April 4, 2008 River Dance

Interested in visiting a great bar right on the Hillsborough river in the heart of Tampa? How about a great bar on the river where on any given evening patrons can be found doing an alternative style of pole dancing (sans Joe Redner)? Then this is your place! Now, don't get me wrong...I love Rick's. Great waterfront atmosphere, great service (especially when they are busy...I know, weird), great libations and all of this combined makes the food not so bad. However, during two of my last visits since November 2007, bar-goers (who were not part of my party...I know, also weird) could be found "pole" dancing. Now, you might be thinking, for Tampa, that isn't so weird...until you realize that the poles being used were umbrella poles and electrical poles (how 'bout them splinters?).

April 9, 2008 Give Peace a Chance

I firmly believe that there are a lot of small things that we can each do, every day, to help contribute to a more peaceful world. This is one way, however, that I had not yet considered, until seeing this in the ladies room during my last visit to Skipper's Smokehouse. Let's see if it works.

April 12, 2008 The One Man Parade

This photo was taken during the Seminole Heights Neighborhood Watch: Projection Walk art project event. This guy was part of the show. I think.

April 12, 2008 Taco Bus

I know, I know...these aren't your typical "I was somewhere normal, when something weird happened" photos. Instead this is just a nice little, well-deserved plug for a Seminole Heights neighborhood Taqueria (that qualifies for this particular blog, because it does have somewhat of a strange kitchen). El Taconazo...or more appropriately, The Taco Bus, is located just east of Nebraska Ave on Hillsborough Ave. This Kitchen-in-a-Old-School-Bus concept is well loved and the food is excellent! The Taco Bus recently changed owners, which caused rumors that food was not as good...NOT TRUE. There was also another nasty rumor circulating that it closed for good and/or changed names...NOT TRUE. As a matter of fact, they are now open every day. So go experience the Taco Bus for yourself...it's fun, cheap and the best thing going at that intersection.

March 11, 2008 Disabled Vehicle

During my latest "episode" with my apartment complex regarding yet another ridiculous situation (that I will spare you from hearing about), I heard loud banging outside and took this photo as a maintenance man was installing a disabled sign at the very parking spot where my car was already parked. Coincidence? I think not. I vowed not to move my car. Ever. But then I needed to meet a friend for lunch at Evos, my new favorite restaurant on Fowler. Ave.

April 4, 2008 Baby Ruth?

This photo was taken at the Pin Chasers bowling alley on Armenia Ave. in Tampa. Now, don't get me wrong...I would much rather have an assortment of candy than an actual baby, but the stroller seems like an odd location for a concession stand. (As a side note, we stopped by the bowling alley to see if they would donate bowling pins to our Relay for Life Team, Team Daddy-O Alley Katz. You can visit our site and donate money here.) 

December 26, 2007 Hybrid This!

What could possibly be the coolest method of transportation this side of Uranus (hee hee), was seen traveling south on Florida Ave in Tampa, near Mauricio's Faedo's Bakery on a lovely December day. Adorned with Christmas decorations and sporting a "2nd bedroom" in the back for the owner's pooch, this bike turned Mini-Spaceship-Winnebago is just pure genius. It goes without saying that I want one. Really bad.

December 14, 2007 Shiny, Happy Crab Cake

There is a fantastic bar called the Tambu Lounge located in the Polynesian Resort at Walt Disney World in Orlando. One of the most delicious items on the menu is the Lump Crab Cakes. What was odd about this particular crab cake, however, was that the garnish was placed in a way that made it seem as though it had eyes, hair and a soul.

 

February 10, 2008 Noah's Ark

At the intersection of International Drive and the Central Florida Parkway (at the SE corner of Sea World), you can catch a glimpse of this fine specimen of a vehicle on Sunday mornings. The driver goes back and forth through this very busy intersection spreading the gospel. Because, really, nothing says, "Praise the Lord" like a million plastic animals hot-glued to an old Honda Civic.