Monday, June 30, 2008

June 25, 2008 Public Service Announcement

As much as I LOVE the Dollar Tree, there are three types of items that I just must take a moment to encourage you to steer clear of...

First --- The faux meat section (pictured below). Any ham meat treat that is spelled "Treet" is just not a good idea. And in general, the word "loaf" is just disgusting, wouldn't you agree? So a product called the "Luncheon Loaf" is about as disturbing as a kangaroo in a Alaskan Wal-mart. And to top it all off, they also carry "Potted Meat"... Sweet fancy Moses.

Second --- The feminine products section, which includes the pregnancy test, the disposable douche and the 7-day vaginal cream. Now ladies, this just isn't an area where we want to cut corners, is it? I'm just sayin'. 

Third --- Any electrical/battery operated device that is used on any part of your body (I'll wait while you retrieve your mind from the gutter....dum dee dum....good, you're back, let's continue...) This would include the nose hair trimmer. Just think, if something were to go terribly wrong, and that thing takes your entire nose off, then here's you in the ER, "Well, I was using my nose hair trimmer.... well, from the Dollar Tree....well, yes I do remember thinking that $1 was a good deal for a nose hair trimmer...". See my point.

So go ahead, drop by a Dollar Tree and splurge on those items that really are the best deals on the bags, holiday decorations, dish towels, wine glasses, and even the occasional bag of Pixy Stix. Just say "No!" to the items mentioned above and you'll be just fine. 


Why, it's Clark! said...

Well, looks like I have to return a whole bunch of birthday presents.

velvet elvis said...

I found out the hard way that Dollar Tree teeth whitening kits aren't a good idea either. God I miss chewing.